It's not unlike something one would see in a softcore porn movie: a reasonably good-looking guy (Tyson Ritter) with a man-bun and a beard having sex with a not beautiful but not unattractive woman (Carrie Lazar) in a bare, dimly lit room.
"JESUS!" she cries out in ecstacy. "I'm getting close!"
"I'm so happy!" he answers.
"Could you just stick your finger in my...," she trails off.
"Like this?" he responds.
"Yes! Oh, yes!" she screams. "Don't stop!"
But they do stop for a moment as the guy thinks he hears a noise outside, but she tries to put his fears to rest: "I told you my husband's not gonna be back till Sunday," she whispers. And then it's back to fucking, with the fireplace light continually casting the shadows of the couple's different sexual positions on the wall, and the pair bouncing so hard that they knock a clay pitcher off of the side table by the bed. The background music barely masks her cries of delight.
Afterwards, as they're laying in post-coital quiet, holding each other, she admits, "You know, I never really do this."
"Me neither," he agrees.
"Come on," she jibes, unbelieving.
"For real," he says. "You're the only one."
"Like, ever? (pause) That's crazy. You could have any girl you wanted," she challenges.
"I wanted you," he says sheepishly.
"I wanted you too, since the first moment I saw you in the market hanging out with your friends," she admits. "I knew you were special."
She invites him to stay for supper, but he demurs, saying, "I have to do something for my dad."
"In the middle of the night?" she questions.
"I made him a promise," he states, adding gently, "Tonight meant a lot to me, and no matter what happens, I want you to remember one thing: I love you. Also, you can never, ever tell anyone about this. Cool?"
"Cool," she replies hesitantly.
He steps away, releasing his shoulder-length hair from its constraint and shaking it to its fullness.
Almost immediately, there's a pounding on the door: "Jesus! Jesus! Are you in there?"
And so the game of "What? Really? No way! Are you kidding?" comes to an end as Jesus opens the door to confront his followers and explain that since they were all passed out in the garden when he left them, "I came here to bless this ailing woman"—a woman who helpfully lets fly a couple of slight, sheepish coughs.
And that's just the opening five minutes of the August 21 episode of the AMC series Preacher, titled "Dirty Little Secret"—an understatement if there ever was one.
For those who aren't familiar with the series, now in its second season, it's based on a DC/Vertigo comic book series by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon, revolving around a preacher, Jesse Custer (Dominic Cooper), his sort-of girlfriend Tulip (Ruth Negga) and their vampire buddy Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), all of whom, at the end of Season 1, go on a road trip to search for God.
Oh; and also at the end of Season 1, Jesse's been granted the "Genesis power": Whenever he says something while invoking it, whoever his words are directed at must obey whatever he wants them to do. (Last season, he used it to [inadvertently] send someone to hell.)
Now, considering what censorious busybodies conservative religionists are, one might expect that they'd have already had something to say about this series that's been coming into American homes for the past year and a half ... but no; not even the ultra-nitty-picky Parents Television Council has mentioned it on their website, much less reviewed any of the 24 episodes that have aired so far.
But some little church-y minion must have tuned across the "Dirty Little Secret" episode, because both Glenn Beck's bloated organ The Blaze as well as the American Family Association offshoot One Million Moms have posted articles blasting the show, and not just for the part about Jesus—you know: the Son of God, made in the image of Man, and put on earth to walk in his shoes—having sex, much less adulterous sex. But more on that in a moment.
"Catholic League President Bill Donohue in a statement to Fox News expressed his outrage at the television show and warned that Christians will 'rally' against the production should offenses continue in this lurid manner," reported The Blaze's Sarah Taylor. "'Depicting Jesus in a grotesque sex scene is an assault on the sensibilities of all Christians, as well as people of good will who are not Christians,' Donohue said. 'We have been treated to this kind of fare from some pay-per-view channels, but we are not accustomed to AMC getting into the mud. If this is a signal of what it aspires to become, we will rally Christians against it.'"
"The AMC series 'Preacher' is advertised as gory good fun and airs during primetime," wrote One Million Moms' Monica Cole in an email. "The 'preacher' in the show is far from it, and the program blasphemes Jesus in the latest episode with the Son of God depicted as a lying s-x p-rvert. The show opens with extremely graphic Jesus s-x scene and closes with an inbred Messiah. (A dash '-' is used to bypass internet filters.) AMC continues to air the anti-Christian program 'Preacher' on Monday evenings at 9:00 p.m. ET/ 8:00 p.m. CT." (We're guessing they included that last bit just in case any of their devout readership wants to check the show out.)
Of course, since Cole is religious and this author isn't, she kindly provides a bit of context for the Jesus sex scene.
"The show decides to spend its first five minutes depicting Jesus Christ having gratuitous s-x with a married woman the night he is arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane," Cole explains. "They are shown moaning and screaming in multiple positions during this extremely graphic scene. In a long series of shadow silhouettes[,] the Son of God is depicted engaging in every s-xual act and position imaginable accompanied by groans and moans. The woman he is with tells the Jesus character not to worry as her 'husband will not be home for days.' After the marathon s-x session, Jesus admits he was a virgin and then gets ready to leave, subtly referencing the Last Supper and upcoming crucifixion. He is then caught by his disciples so he lies his way out of the situation, but not every disciple believes him."
That unbelieving disciple is Thaddeus, and his only words to Jesus' paramour are, "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Little does the audience realize how important those words will be.
See, let's not forget that Season 2 has been devoted to Jesse's search for God, and his tight-knit group is currently in New Orleans because he'd heard that God is a big fan of jazz. But there's a shadowy religious group called The Grail, headed by the one-eyed Herr Starr, that's been busy putting obstructions in Jesse's way—until "Dirty Little Secret," when Herr Starr offers to take Jesse, blindfolded, to see God's son—who turns out to be Tyson Ritter once again, but this time playing what Cole refers to as an "inbred Messiah." This requires Jesse to first pass through a metal detector and then have a brief meeting with the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury, both of whom Herr Starr just happens to have sitting in his office.
"Are you sure you want to know?" asks the Archbishop. "Some things cannot be unheard."
But Jesse wants to see him, and thanks to the Genesis power, Herr Starr is forced to show him what is essentially Jesus Christ XXV, the last descendent of the child born to Jesus' paramour—and it turns out that "the Messiah" is a nearly illiterate, wall-eyed idiot named Humperdoo, whose first act, as Jesse kneels before him, is to pee on Jesse. He also likes to raise his robe and show people his genitals—and rub up against them till he cums. The interview kind of goes downhill from there.
Before the episode aired, co-producer Seth Rogen (yes, that Seth Rogen) tweeted, "Tonight’s episode of #Preacher has some stuff I've been excited to bring to life for years and I'm SHOCKED they let us do it. Please watch."
Perhaps the point to be taken away from all this is that if mainstream cable can air this, even though a couple of adult companies have recently put out features with religious themes, there's little chance that any of their future endeavors will come anywhere close to the "blasphemous heat" of this Preacher episode.
UPDATE: OneMillionMoms, as they so often do, wants its readers to "Hold Sponsors Of 'Preacher' Accountable." The email is basically a repeat of their original, part of which is quoted above, with the addition of the final paragraph: "Take Action: Please use the information we have provided on our website to contact Febreze (owned by Procter & Gamble) and ask that they pull their financial support from "Preacher'."
This author's recommendation? Buy as much Febreze as you can afford!
UPDATE #2: We won't tell you just which Preacher sponsor OneMillionMoms is mad about this time, but feel free to switch your phone/internet service to Verizon anytime.
UPDATE #3: Guess who also doesn't like Cricket Wireless's sponsorship of this show? (More to come, we're sure...)
UPDATE #4 (7/10/18): Like several states, Louisiana has passed a law giving tax incentives to movie and TV production companies to film in the state—with, of course, the usual exemption for any production that's required to keep 2257 records—better known as porn. But guess what?
"State Sen. John Milkovich and two Baptist preachers, Larry Pridmore and Edward Roberts, have recently urged 'the Louisiana Office of Economic Development to flatly reject [a] request for a $16.2 million tax refund check' for the AMC show Preacher," noted the Freedom From Religion Foundation in its April newsletter. "The complainants have stated their case plainly in the last sentence of their letter: '[T]he larger truth is that there is never a good time to reward production companies that trash our Louisiana values, mock our beliefs — and dishonor Christ.'" Guess which episode they were referring to!?!
