Christian Right Pushes Preemptive Zoning Strikes

GOD'S COUNTRY, U.S.A. – Oh, those wacky Christian conservatives at Focus on the Family. If there's one group that raises their hackles more than Democrats, socialists, liberal public school officials, rock musicians, pot smokers, homosexuals, Gypsies, and Islamofacists, it's pornographers. And the Christian conservatives are prepared to rally the troops to combat these flesh peddlers.

According to, the Internet propaganda arm of Focus on the Family, "The best time to pass zoning laws is before pornographers come to town."

Philip Cosby, executive director of the National Coalition for Protection of Children and Families, likens those involved in adult businesses to vermin. He issues this dire warning to small hamlets across America through “You know it’s harder to get the roaches out of the house than it is to prevent them from getting into the home.”

Cosby led a petition drive last year to drive porn shops out of Kansas City and succeeded in calling grand juries in several counties to weigh obscenity charges against stores in several counties. Charges against a Halloween costume shop and a convenience store were thrown out of court. is now urging concerned people everywhere that it's best to set up laws to combat adult business before these establishments even come to town.

Daniel Weiss, senior analyst for media and sexuality at Focus on the Family Action told, "If a town takes these proactive steps, it has effectively protected itself from the devastation these businesses bring."

It's possible that Weiss doesn't recall a brilliant line from TV's "The Simpsons": "Excuse me, but "proactive" and "paradigm"? Aren't those just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important?"

While the comedy quotient of that line is high, it pales in comparison to the sheer goofiness of Weiss's own advice to the citizenry to gird for the looming porn wars. For a laugh, check out Passing Sexually-Oriented Business Regulations in Your Community.