Utah Pols Declare Porn a 'Public Health Crisis'! Um ... Hooray?

JESUSLAND—According to Morality in Media (MiM) the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE), "The Utah House of Representatives passed the Utah state resolution declaring pornography a public health crisis last night! Soon it will be presented to Governor Gary Herbert for his signature." [Emphasis in original, here and below]

Yep, the state with the highest per capita number of subscribers to adult websites, the state whose favorite adult search term is "Lesbian," the state that many years ago gave up one of its own religious principles and buckled under to the federal government to declare polygamy unMormon, has a legislature that wants to go on record to proclaim, among other incredibly stupid ideas, that "pornography is contributing to the hypersexualization of teens, and even prepubescent children, in our society"; "exposure to pornography often serves as childrens' and youths' sex education and shapes their sexual templates" (sadly, in too many areas—including, we're sure, Utah—that one's true) (but no less stupid); "pornography treats women and children as objects and often depicts rape and abuse as if they are harmless"; and "pornography equates violence towards women and children with sex and pain with pleasure, which increases the demand for sex trafficking, prostitution, child sexual abuse images, and child pornography."

Well, as one might expect from MiM NCOSE Executive Director Dawn "Terrifying Porn Flight" Hawkins, "We were on pins and needles yesterday, waiting to hear if the resolution would make it on the docket before the midnight deadline to be voted on this session. In a dramatic turn of events, the resolution passed 75-0 at 10:40 p.m. last night!"

We can just imagine the conversation: "Say, honey, it's almost bedtime; wanna go in the bedroom and have a quick fuck?" "Sorry, dear, I've got to go to the House of Representatives chambers and vote on an anti-porn resolution in a dramatic turn of events, so sex will just have to wait!"

And in case you were afraid that MiM NCOSE had just been sitting around, twiddling its thumbs as most Americans become more and more comfortable with their sexuality, both in their personal lives and in their media (yes, we're thinking of you, Parents Television Council and the inaptly named 1 Million Moms), fear no longer:

"The National Center on Sexual Exploitation is honored to have written this resolution, which was proposed by State Senator Todd Weiler. We wrote the resolution because we believe it is vital for the government to formally recognize the harms of pornography."

And rest assured, if that government is headed up next year by one of the "Usual Gang of Idiots" (apologies, Bill Gaines), it's a sure bet that it will. Thankfully, as things stand now, porn prosecution is what one might call "low priority" at the Department of Justice, and we're guessing that Sanders (definitely) or Clinton (likely) won't change that ... which is good, because:

"YOU CAN TAKE ACTION:
1) Propose this resolution in your state! We have already heard from several supporters around the nation who are going to ask their representatives to follow Utah's example. If legislators recognize the harms of pornography on children, families, and society it will educate and inform the public, along with future policy decisions!"

Yes, despite the fact that no presidential candidate except Rick Santorum was willing to answer MiM's NCOSE's bullshit "survey" (read "push poll") about "sexual exploitation," one question of which reads, "As a result of the failure of previous administrations to enforce federal adult obscenity laws, the United States is being inundated with pornography, much of which normalizes sex with children and which is increasing violent and abhorrent. Federal obscenity laws prohibit distribution of hardcore pornography on the Internet, on cable/satellite TV, on hotel/motel TV, in retail shops, and by common carrier. If elected president will you direct the U.S. Department of Justice to vigorously enforce federal obscenity laws?", it seems highly likely that the eventual Republican presidential candidate will "ace this exam"—even Donald Drumpf. And rest assured that when that happens, MiM NCOSE will be on hand to say, as they end their recent press release, "Thank you for your support and passion for these issues. Together, we are making history!"