Perhaps you're lucky enough to own the Hustler Store, making millions daily through T-shirt sales alone and sipping mojitos with Larry Flynt high atop the oval monstrosity at the corner of Wilshire and La Cienega, congratulating one another on another successful adult venture (to go along with the latest release in the "Barely Legal" video series). Or maybe you own several Romantix franchises, churning through dozens of high-margin Doc Johnson items to go along with the spike heels and bridal party games exiting your doors and into the sexual worlds of happy patrons. Or maybe you're just filthy rich and run an adult business because it's fun to watch porn and play with sex toys.
Orrrr... you could be us.
Which would mean struggling through yet another abysmal August, following yet another wretched summer, watching online sales slump into nothingness, and praying for a few customers to walk through our doors in need of that hundred dollar dildo, two C-note leather whip, and two bottles of your best lube, all the while fending off those 90-plus-day-old invoices and calling up the bank for yet another credit card increase to keep the doors open until things (hopefully) pick up in September and (again, hopefully) continue through Valentine's Day. What the hell were we thinking when we plunked down the Visa for that 80k-mile tuneup on the Honda? And for god's sake, don't answer that pho... ack, "Umm, sorry about that. You didn't get our check? Really? We sent it last week. Let us check into it and get right back to you on that, OK?"
We left stable careers for this?
As if by magic, however, September did bring relief, which (thankfully) carried through to October and bailed us out just in time as is our annual custom. You'd think we'd have learned by now and prepared for the natural business cycle; but no-o-o-o, once again we head into the fall/winter shopping season thinking some miraculous Oprah-moment PR event is going to catapult us into unending orders and financial Valhalla. The truth of the matter is that we'll catch up with our bills just in time to dig ourselves into another hole, content that the supposed freedom our business brings us (if you call 7-day, 12-hour per day work weeks "freedom") is enough to justify this maddening roller coaster ride called entrepreneurship. Well, at least we get to play with lots of cool toys.
Check that Insurance Policy
So often we get caught up in the glamour (ahem) of our stores and adult-related businesses and forget that it's those tiny annoyances - like insurance - that often rear their ugly little heads at exactly the wrong moments. Case in point: We had to pick up a few supplies one Sunday for a movie shoot in the Valley and stepped into a two-inch puddle covering our stockroom floor. Further investigation revealed our coffee room was flooded even worse, water spewing forth from the water heater as if some New Orleans levee had been breached. Luckily, the main retail space of our store is separated by a three-inch step UP from the coffee room, meaning the hundreds of gallons of water had confined itself to only two rooms. Further, our Costco metal shelving was well off the floor of our stockroom, meaning no inventory damage. Sixty to seventy Shop-Vac loads later, most of the water was gone and we managed to dry the small section of carpeting without any leftover mildew or foul smell.
What we learned from this near-miss catastrophe was, first, check the lease agreement carefully before you sign it, and, second, make sure you are properly insured at all times for just such emergencies. In the first case, we signed a "triple-net" contract, meaning we're basically responsible for EVERYTHING. Hence, the water heater - $750. The new carpet to replace the damaged one in the kitchen area? $300. Total, minus two days of back-breaking water removal via Shop-Vac'ing? Almost $1,100, and we're responsible for every penny. Oh, and as a side matter, the air conditioning is on its last legs, meaning another two grand or so before the heat kicks back in next summer. Oy.
Which brings us to the second lesson. Insurance. We have it. It costs us over $2,000 per year and supposedly covers up to a million dollars in accident (i.e. "slip and fall") coverage, property/inventory loss up to fifty grand, and full value of the property should it burn down. But the catch/scam, of course, is the $1,500 deductible, meaning it would cost more to make a claim than we'd recoup AND our rates would most likely go up due to that claim! And so, thankful we got out with nothing lost but time and a relatively small amount for a new water heater, we licked our wounds and lamented over what might've been had we not stopped by our store that fateful Sunday morning.
GayVN
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