10. Black Tricks, White Treats
We're a little skeptical that the black dudes have to settle for being tricks while the white guys get to be treats. But since we're whores for holiday puns, we'll let it slide. The film promises more action than "a bag of tasty, hard dick candy." Reminds us of that time we got arrested a few years back for giving trick-or-treaters bags of tasty, hard dick candy. What a night.
9. Sons of Satan
If you're anything like us, well, first, we're sorry about that, but second, it means that you often fantasize about giving Satan a sloppy rimjob. Go ahead and check out this epic film about attic chambers, cum-filled chalices and - of course - men with long hair.
8. The Destroying Angel
This movie is based on an Edgar Allen Poe novel. Hot.
7. Bareback Ghosts
Why would ghosts bareback when they're practically walking condoms?
6. Rumpenstein's Monster
This 'toon porn about a jolly green giant gay sex monster has us...really confused.
5. Laid By a Vampire
If you thought Tom Cruise suckling Brad Pitt in Interview With a Vampire was hot, then wait until you see this flick's orgy scene atop a dirty motel room carpet. That's just how vampires roll.
4. Twisted
This film is modeled after Scream, which is made obvious by the box cover's replication of Drew Barrymore speaking to a stranger on the phone while rubbing her penis through her over-sized double-lined manderwear from Target. Seriously, though - is that guy wearing Mormon undergarments?
3. Haunted House on Sex Hill
"No one commits mortal sin alone..." intones the box cover, clearly forgetting about suicide. No matter. With horny ghosts fucking all over a rickety set, and one of those "just add the word sex" porn title generators, this film makes for one spooky masturbation session.
2. Night of the Occultist
If being an occultist means standing bare-torsoed in a sea of fog, then what does that say about circuit parties?
1. Jason Jacks Off On Halloween
What do you get when you combine a pasty dude, a bed and a Freddy Krueger mask? A pasty dude jerking off on a bed wearing a Freddy Krueger mask. Happy Halloween!
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