Take a couple of third-string European performers, Americanize their names, shoot them having mechanical sex in stupid costumes under weird lighting conditions and voila! — instant imported turd. Frankly, we’d have rated this vid even lower, but we know that somewhere, somebody might find a few wankable moments buried beneath this stack of perfunctory action.

If you’re the kind of retailer who caters to every customer’s whim —despite the fact that a spider-like costume worn by a male performer might be trademarked, say, by a Marvel-ous comic book company and [potentially] open you up to a needless lawsuit — then by all means, stock this item.