I came to Adult Video News for a job because I’ve seen maybe 1,000 porno movies in my life.  In my small circle, I’m the resident porn expert.  Bored with regular feature films, I asked the guys who run AVN for something different… a bit of kinky.  So I thought they’d have me review bondage or lesbos or all-guy tapes.

But I can’t believe this.  Last month, before I ever typed a word for this magazine, my editor tells me to watch Bad Mama Jama.  Great stuff.  Looks like my mom’s maid, Gladys in action.  Then he makes me watch Black and Blonds… ALL FOUR VOLUMES!  Hours of drunken black men and sleazy white chicks.  Disgusting. But more disturbingly, I kind of liked it. 

So was I prepared for Ripples and Wrinkles or Thunder Thighs?  I guess I was as ready as I’ll ever be for 400 pound slob women and the ugliest men this side of leper colony.

Ripples and Wrinkles contains four equally perverse segments, highlighted by the hideous-looking Pia Amora doing it with her supposedly 75 year-old Uncle Pud.  Love My Boy features Bad Mama Jama’s first cousin, Big Mama Jackson and her “half-dollar nipples” along with a guy who must have taken a half bottle of Valium… Make that a whole bottle.  But Old Lad Lust, with a horny grandmother and a “man” who surprisingly keeps up for a minute at a time makes the tape worth watching.  He deserves a gold medal for not getting sick.  And the final short, Miss Shape, has an obese, 400 pound, wart covered, discolored blob attempting what might be termed “sex” with two men.  Ripples and Wrinkles adds a new wrinkle to the growing collection of fetish tapes available to the home market.

Unfortunately, Thunder Thighs didn’t keep my interest for a full half-hour.  The tape didn’t come with a stomach distress bag, and my boyfriend often ran to the bathroom while we watched it. In a couple segments, straight heterosexual stuff is attempted and you might laugh at these tries.  Near misses only count in horseshoes.  But Mama’s Girlfriend attempts lesbian sex using a 300 pound monster and the results are, let’s say, suffocating.  This one should be seen only by people who like their sex heavy, man.