Mon Dieu! Mes amis, are you looking for le sex show extraordinaire? An erotic cabaret that puts you in the audience, shouting "Cherchez la femme!" Well, if you think you've found it here, all I can say is "au contraire."

The best way to take care of a production such as this is tout de suite, quickly and (relatively) painlessly. And so, s'il vous plait, I will simply list what is says on the back of the box and respond in kind.

"Now join the audience at two of the most exciting sex show in Paris" (actually we see what looks like the same eight guys sitting in three rows of theatre seats in each place, and while I could be wrong, I'd wager money that the closest these performers have ever been to Paris was ordering French fries at McDonalds.)

"You will see and experience the actual performers who do and take part in almost every sex act imaginable" (Let's see, there was one woman bringing herself to orgasm with a dildo, two lesbian encounters, a male-female threesome and a mild bondage scene; even I could imagine better than that, and in fact saw nothing that you can't get in the most mediocre adult feature film).

Oh, did I mention that the film is introduced by a guy with the phoniest French accent this side of Pepe Le Pew? Sans doute, this is one travelogue that won't get a mention in the Guide Michelin. It may get some small credit for actually featuring a live audience, but tourists beware; this is one "Paris site" to avoid. Au revoir!