The thinking man will look you in the eye and say, “why, son, the best beach movie ever made is Lifeguard with Sam Eliott – ain’t none better. It has a message. “But when you go to the beach, who has the inclination to ponder varying degrees of existentialism, life’s messages or whether you made the right career move by turning down that $240,000 a year computer advisory job in Silicon Valley to be a cabana boy so you could gawk at string bikinis.
Do yourself a favor. Take the advisory job and save your gawking for Bikini Summer. It’s the next best thing to being at the beach, and better, because there’s stuff in here you won’t see at your average ocean.
Director Robert Veze has done a wonderful job creating a summer sizzler with spare parts from other films. Its main character Chet (David Millbern) looks like an ice cream parlor version of Michael Keaton. Gorgeous Melinda Armstrong as the mythic bikini goddess whom Chet and his camera lust after, struts, prances in slow motion and turns her head toward the sun in that je ne sais quoi way so reminiscent of Nicolette Sheridan in The Sure Thing. Except that Armstrong if allowed to shuck her clothes in some intoxicating pool scenes that will leave you breathless. All I can say is, thanks for those cable and pay per view deals. It makes films like these possible.
Shelley Michelle, who’s received some notoriety of late for being Julia Roberts’ body double in Pretty Woman, plays the leader of an out-of-work, all-girl rock band. And the idea, of course, is for everyone to pitch in and get these gals on the employment rolls. From here, you borrow the storyline from a film called Hot T-Shirt. But only in American can you become famous for being someone else’s body. (Ironically, Michelle’s scene in which she slides off her bikini bottoms might have employed a body double).
The plot evokes some environmental concerns. But contains mostly massive doses of double entendres and your obligatory teen flick clichés (falling bikini tops, lens caps on the cameras, Bill & Ted-types, holes in the wall for spying on showering nymphettes and up-tight establishment figures). But who would have it any other way, especially if it all comes together as well as Bikini Summer. Dealers take note: one of the most colorful boxcovers in ages offers a guaranteed pull for any red-blooded video renter.
One of my nominations for AVN best non-explicit adult title of the year.