At one point in John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut, Bobbitt, in an outdoor scene, looks into the camera, a bit dazed, as someone reliving trauma or a bad blind date, and offers meditations about his existence.

His face is almost angelic, as though he could have been a former choir boy, still practicing the profession, and he wears his pair Peter Gunn-flat. The way this is presented I'm expecting Bobbitt to say any moment that he can swim and shower with it and it won't come off. IT WONT COME OFF.

One might suspect Bobbitt is talking about his dick, but, rather, the drama portion of John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut unfurls like a series of product endorsements for Sy Sperling's Hair Club For Men. Bobbitt's life story, such as it is, is told through a series of these talking heads synapses —sluttery, uneven, sometimes awkward affairs and unintentionally funny —all of which do some mighty fancy dancing over historical fact in record time.

If you want to know the inside story about Bobbitt, you're better served with the National Enquirer. If you want to see some very pretty girls in entertaining, drool-friendly, high-register sex couplings, then that's why you should be renting or buying this tape which is destined to become XXX's all-time best seller.

Veronica Brazil plays Lorena Bobbitt (she and Bobbitt do not have a sex scene — surprise, surprise),- and all we gather from her character's time on the screen is that she's a woman who shouldn't go barefoot, that she and John meet in a bar, she embezzles seven-thousand bucks from a beauty parlor, they hang out at a Topanga Canyon movie theater (though this is supposed to take place on the east coast), then she cuts his dick off to an ersatz Psycho score. (The funniest moments occur when Brazil tosses the truncated member out the window of her car. It lands at the foot of either a British or Australian drunk who slurs aloud, overstating the obvious: "That looks like a dick!" Subtlety is even better served by the brief appearance of two investigating cops who make Tooty and Muldoon look like Holmes and Watson.

I mention the barefoot-thing, more as an observation that director Ron Jeremy has crafted the sex scenes with a peep show T&A lilt, keeping in tune with corn-fed, mainstream girlie magazine tastes. In other words, if I were a person renting a porn tape for the first time, I'd walk away with a pretty aroused feeling about the nature of the product. BUT, as in almost all adult tapes, due to the nature of lousy screen credits, I'd be hard pressed to identify any of these girls in a police lineup — hardly an auspicious way to enlist incipient fan support for a young starlet.

The ladies, as you'll casually observe, from scene to scene, remain barefoot and TOTALLY mid-America naked — a welcome visual respite from the platform shoe, fishnet stocking, black leather Story of 0 bullshit that I'm growing rapidly disen­franchised with.

Fabulous Nikki Randall, I'm also happy to say, emerges from retirement to do a scene with Bobbitt. Nikki's tan in the right places, leaving her butt porcelain white, her lithe body fabulously taut and her asshole virtually airbrushed. (It would take Henry M. Stanley and a safari to find it.) Bobbitt, hardly a seasoned porn performer, but more than adequate to his tasks, does the job out of the doggie position and registers a good shot on Nikki's ass. A similar style pop shot concludes his stint with Jasmine Aloha who plays Bobbitt's Las Vegas girlfriend over whom he currently faces prison time. (Blooper spotters take note: In one scene, Bobbitt's supposed to be in a Las Vegas bar then goes out for a bite to eat at a diner, which happens to be a landmark delicatessen in Encino. So unless Ventura Boulevard crosses the Las Vegas strip, this is a pretty good trick.)

About the celebrated dick and its aftermath — well, there isn't much to say here, other than the fact that the medicos have done a far better job on Bobbitt than some of the scary breast augmentations I've seen. There's a faint scar encircling his stalk — and Howard Stern has gone into loads of humorous detail on this point — from certain camera angles, the tip of the Bobbitt phallus lists at an awkward angle. Near his balls, you'll also find some skin protrusions that appear as though shotgun pellets are embedded in the skin. But the dick comes alive, though either director Jeremy, or the editor, has tactfully excluded any actual penetration shots. (Jeremy claims he actually likes the cable version of this feature even better.)

This show's a field day for Bobbitt who either manages to screw or touch, emotionally, every female member of the cast. Lovers of blondes, and I speak of Crystal Gold (playing an orgy fuck-girl), Tiffany Lords (Bobbitt's subsequent lover), and Jordan St. Claire (who plays a nurse) will have a Lady Clairol picnic.

From all the free national publicity this feature has garnered so far, John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut comes equipped with a convenient built-in sales spiel. The wise retailer will stock this title in depth.