Replete with one of the strangest titles of our time, Draculya The Girls Are Hungry (Pirate Fetish Machine) is a big, fat mess from the very beginning. A Euro feature, it transcends the usual strangeness and clunkiness that often makes those films charming, and just lies there limp, hard to follow, and even harder to see.

Yes, that's correct. Much of this feature happens in complete darkness, making it impossible to tell what's happening or to see the sex involved. What you can see isn't particularly notable, either.

This is a tough feature to watch, unless you're fond of watching candelabras and listening to sex.

Retailing: A tough sell to all but Euro freaks.