Not a company that can be faulted for trying, Hot Body Magazine is beginning to wring blood (or in this case, the metaphorical milk) from a stone. Having entertained viewers with all manner of contests (from pole dancing challenges to wet T-shirt championships) designed to part beautiful women from their skimpy outerwear, their creative wick is now burning a bit low. It wouldn't take a Nobel laureate to come up with the idea for a big-tit contest, but we suppose it serves the market well enough. (We just wish that a few of the girls had as much help from Mother Nature as the others did from Dow Chemical.)

The location, Dry Gulch Ranch, may be familiar to viewers of porn, where the western setting has played host to numerous hardcore shoots. Eight girls have been flown in from around the country to participate in the show, where they're judged on the typical laundry list of Hot Body requirements, including beauty, body, chest, stage presence, and crowd response. (Funny, but we didn't notice a single "crowd member" in the entire tape, and the angles were limited strictly to the participants on the stage.)

Regardless of the authenticity of the judging (after all, it's not an IRS audit) the girls manage to shake their jugs for the better part of an hour, testing the tensile strength of 20th-century fabrics like calico, lace and patent leather. From cowgirls to warm leatherettes, these gals give it their best, which includes full frontal furburger exposure.

Eventually a winner is announced, and it looks to us like her award has less to do with her innate charm than it does with her ability to make her pec muscles bounce her hooters up and down independently. Ten again in the post-show interview, she credits her "love towards humanity" as a contributing factor in her overall sensuality. So did Mother Teresa, we hear.