The rating is for the weirdness factor only; there's nothing even vaguely erotic here. Fans of old John Waters films won't want to miss this one; it takes the bizarre trash aesthetic to a new nadir.

The opening alone is worth watching a few thousand times: a scary man with black circles under his eyes - is it natural, or has he not been to sleep for a few years? - sits on a couch and alternates between fondling his slowly-hardening penis and... blowing up balloons. "Ooh, I just love those pink balloons," he drools. Apparently bringing his fantasy to life is what looks like a '70s loop featuring a fat, pink-skinned blonde wearing an alarming amount of blue eye shadow - and those eyes appear to be having a bit of trouble focusing. She's giving head to a disembodied cock, and when it explodes she leaps backwards, wiping her mouth with a look of disgust on her face. Yes, the act of love is a beautiful thing indeed.

Apparently, Scaryman isn't the only one with a balloon fetish - a hefty natural blonde also licks and plays with the things, before discarding them for her own hanging udders. After an unexciting fuck, her partner blows a load into a condom, which is then blown up until it resembles - you got it - and the air is slowly let out of it until jizz drips out of it onto the girl's tits. Thrilling.

It just gets stranger. A scene titled "Pretty Chubby" begins with a bored-looking tubster masturbating with a zucchini. She's joined by some guy, and gives him head as hideous disco music plays in the background. When they finally fuck, they use a thick, white substance for lube that resembles - uh, never mind what it resembles. The guy tries to stick his dick in her ass, and manages to do so for a few seconds, but they quickly switch to a missionary position; all the better to see the cheesy lube clinging to Studboy's dick in half-dissolved lumps.

Oh, it goes on, with old women wearing Arabian-inspired veils and Sindee Williams (sporting a frizzy mullet) allowing some dude to ride her like a horse as he yells, "Git along, little doggie."

Not for those with the desire to have sex again in this lifetime.