Hoo boy.

Scan lines dominate the screen as Kylie Ireland is under them, talking on the phone while caressing herself and stylized letters slide in and slide out as jazzy synthesized music plays (somebody's been watching their Pablo Ferro) to set the scene before Kylie in voiceover says how she likes talking about sex on the phone while she keeps writhing on a bed in sexy underwear and stockings and high heels. She says she likes to be watched, and she really likes it when her lover videotapes her while she plays with herself. "There's something about being in front of a video camera that really turns me on," Kylie says, probably for the benefit of those who have never seen her before. "When he turns the camera on, a wild side seems to come out of me." And she pops her head up and looks straight into camera - challenging, ready. She rolls sensuously over the bed, pulls her breasts out of her bra, masturbates. Just when you think it's gonna be a solo scene, enter Dillion Day, screen right. The pace slows. He eats her, the languid pace of the lovemaking complemented by the drive of the music and the ever-moving camera and active editing. Cut. Dissolve. Close-up on her face. Close-up on his tongue. "Give it to me," she says, in voiceover, and she takes him between her lips. Then she takes him between her other lips. Beautiful? Yes. Couples-friendly? Uh-huh. Hot? You betcha. When she takes Day's load on her kisser, then takes his cock in her mouth, there won't be a dry seat in the house.

Hold on black for about three frames, then we see Shay Sweet in her dainties, dreaming about being with a girl and then joined by Jezebelle Bond. T.J. Hart in her skivvies walking through the halls of what porn pros call The Meat Packing Plant until she sees studboy Nick Manning sweatily doing manly things with a great big wrench, his skimpy undershirt barely containing his muscular torso. Ava Vincent in a tub, joined by newbie Luna. Monica Mayhem and Randy Spears taking cybersex to the next level, as those B-school dimwits are so fond of saying. A light-bondage sequence where Taylor St. Claire in shiny black cavorts with John Decker in front of a fireplace while Luna stands trussed up in the corner. Toni James - where the hell has she been lately? - taking a shower with Bobby Vitale, or maybe he's just her fantasy. For the big finish, Kylie returns for a doctor fantasy where she is examined in-depth by Shanna McCullough and newbie Breena. They shave what's left of her pubes, then finger-fuck her, then multiple-finger-fuck her. There is one moment where it looks like she's getting fisted, discreetly, the action hidden behind her raised thigh. Andrews assures me that there wasn't any fisting, but that's okay: Janet Leigh really didn't get killed in that shower in 1960 either. It still works. And then there's one moment where Kylie props her legs against a framework, hooking her high heels against a bar, leaving her crotch deliciously exposed and vulnerable, willfully, deliberately, and McCullough takes an acrylic dildo on a stick, lubes it, and sticks it up her vosburg as Breena fingers her pussy. Mmmmm-mmmm, that's nice.

Pre-nom line-up: All-Sex Video, girl/girl scene for the closer, Jake Jacobs Videography, Nic Andrews Editing, Derik Andrews Music, Nic Andrews Direction, and just for the first round, Nic Andrews for Screenplay, but it probably won't make the first cut, what that at the meeting we usually go for plots, not musings, no matter how good.