Some years ago, Einstein figured out the theory of relativity. Last night at the Whisky A Go Go, Not the Ramones cracked the equation of a goddamn good time. Science dullards take note, for here are the key ingredients: The music of the Ramones, played by utterly capable men that respect the source. A gaggle of sizzling back-up singers and go-go honeys. Sweet, delicious booze, and a jam-packed audience comprised of the party-inclined denizens of Porn Valley.
The occasion was in celebration of young Kurt Lockwood’s birthday, and featured the man himself on guitar and vocals leading NTR (starring AVN’s mighty Evil Ed in the bass slot, monster skin master and AVN boss Tim Connelly on drums, plus the exceptional Bruce “Part Angus, Part Page” Duff on guitar) through a balls-out, power mind-warp trip through the canon of Ramones classics, not to mention a strong chunk of Lockwood originals.
The evening began with an intro by adult legends Ron Jeremy and Taylor Wane. Jeremy offered up some one liners (“My penis is parking the car right now.” Yes, the rod of Ron is that big, folks), while stacked and stunning Brit-babe Wane dazzled onlookers with her unique body English. The NTR lads took the stage, wasting no time in resurrecting the spirit and energy of the quartet from Queens. “Do You Wanna Dance,” “Sheena Is A Punk Rocker,” (in C, for those keeping score), “Beat On the Brat,” “Judy Is A Punk,” “California Sun,” “Commando,” “I Wanna Be Sedated,” (dedicated to AVN kingpin Paul Fishbein, in attendance and loving it); the hits just kept on coming.
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| Click here for gallery. (Photos: Bettie Rinehart) |
Over the course of the night the band was joined onstage by some XXX celeb talent. Dr. Sharon Mitchell stepped in for the immortal skag ballad “Chinese Rocks,” guitar fiend Frank Meyer strapped on his weapon and jacked the band into another dimension of shitfire Stooge rawk (“I Wanna Be Your Dog,” anyone?), and Evan "The Man Who Gets To Have Sex With Tera Patrick When the Cameras Are Off" Seinfeld dug into a blistering finale of “Blitzkreig Bop.” At that point, Sir Lockwood was working the room a la classic Iggy, in all his shirtless, sweating, Levi-unbuttoning, dick-massaging glory. A little something for the ladies. Why the hell not?
And yes, all of this accompanied by the formidable back-line of vocalists Monica Mayhem and Lockwood main squeeze stunner Samantha Ryan, plus non-stop gyrating go-go talents Charlie Laine, Sita, and Terry. Too bad there were no officials from the Department of Water and Power on hand; they could have harnessed the energy emanating from these delicious dynamos and lit up a city of agonized, porn-loving dwarves who run their air conditioners and DVD players around the clock. It was just that good!
So. There are company picnics, bowling nights, ring tosses, whatever, but — biased as this reporter is — it’s rare that you find a business that can offer up the kind of entertainment as did Not the Ramones. And there were tits.
Photo courtesy of Bettie Rinehart.
