NORTH CAROLINA—Lady Gaga, she of recent DADT fame, performed a concert in North Carolina this past weekend at which, during an interlude, she mentioned the fact that she had only that day finished a song inspired by a stop at a local adult store. The song, she said, will be included on an album next year, but it was her specific comments regarding the quality of porn found at the little N.C. shop that piqued our interest.

“This is a very impressive and interesting place, because we actually passed by an adult shop,” she told the audience, to immediate applause. “And the pornography was staggering. I was imp … I found it to be … fun, because I find the ones in New York to be very boring, and I thought they were very fun here, so congratulations on your triple-x stores. I thought they were fabulous. And it was just really beautiful, and I just got really inspired; I was driving in on the highway. I don’t know, I just got really inspired, so I did a great song here. So when you get the album next year, you’ll know I wrote a song in North Carolina … a hit song!”

She then launched into a “slower” song called “You and I,” which also will be on the album released next year.

So the question is, what it is about New York adult book shops that so bores Lady Gaga that she needs to find porn shop satisfaction in North Carolina, and what can the Big Apple do about it? What about a porn district revitalization project, maybe downtown, near the Hudson?

I mean, what better way to send a loud and clear message to the terrorists that they will never defeat us or our constitutional right to masturbate? (That goes for you, too, Christine O’Donnell. Confused witch wannabe!)