GLENDALE, Calif. — Kick Ass Pictures has extended an offer to overnight singing sensation Susan Boyle to lose her virginity on camera for $1 million.
Boyle became an instant superstar this week when tens of millions of internet users flocked to online footage of her singing appearance on reality show "Britain's Got Talent."
Kick Ass is so confident that she will accept the offer that the company has already set up the website SusanBoyleXXX.com, where people can vote on the movie's title (e.g. Desperately Shagging Susan, Never Been Banged), theme song (e.g. Madonna's "Like a Virgin," Foreigner's "Feels Like the First Time") and co-star, among other things.
The 47-year-old Ms. Boyle claims that she's never been kissed, a statement from which Kick Ass president Mark Kulkis extrapolated that she certainly hasn't charted any further sexual waters.
"The logical extension of that statement is that she's still a virgin," said Kulkis. "We have always wanted to produce a movie in which a bona fide virgin loses her maidenhood on camera. That's a very personal, intimate moment in a woman's life. Doing it in front of bright lights and cameras in a San Fernando Valley studio will make it that much more special."
Assuming Ms. Boyle accepts the offer, the plan is to fly her to Los Angeles — on Virgin Airlines, of course — and introduce her to possible co-stars.
"We want real sexual chemistry," Kulkis explained. "Since we have no way of knowing what Susan's ‘type' is, we'll introduce her to a variety of gentlemen of different races, ages and um, ‘endowments.' Personally, I think she and Ron Jeremy would be a perfect match."
The plan also calls for Ms. Boyle to record a theme song for the movie, which would subsequently be released as a single.
"There are several different songs we are considering," Kulkis said. "We're relying on input from the SusanBoyleXXX.com website to help us make the final decision."
The $1 million offer from Kick Ass is good for one week.
"We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world's attention," said Kulkis. "Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I'm sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible!"
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