As disposable income declined in the face of a burgeoning worldwide recession, an interesting trend materialized: Consumers began to find ways to amuse themselves at home instead of going out on the town. Not surprisingly, one of the popular pastimes that emerged from several recent surveys: sex. And why not? Sex is good exercise, it’s fun, and in the right circumstances it’s free — or at least reasonably priced.
Also not too surprising: As people flexed their erotic muscles, they increasingly began to seek new ways to add spice to their love lives. One of the most surprising revelations to hit the market in recent years has been an upsurge in consumer interest in so-called “kinky sex.”
But how does one define that, exactly? Along with the notion that even garden-variety, missionary-position sex might seem kinky to a monk, there’s also the fact that societal mores are anything but static. As Good Vibrations staff sexologist Carol Queen noted, “One person’s kink is another person’s bread and butter — and relatedly, the kink of 30, 40, 50 years ago is not all considered very kinky today.”
Happily, what it is considered is profitable for adult industry manufacturers, wholesalers, and retailers — if they understand the market and are willing to satisfy desires customers may be reticent to mention.
Finding the stream
Sexual foreplay didn’t step out of the shadows of kink until the turn of the 20th century. Prior to that, sex was a duty wives were expected to perform like any other chore. The ones who enjoyed sex certainly didn’t discuss it for fear of being considered wanton. As recently as the 1970s, oral sex was considered kinky. Today, it’s almost obligatory. Judging by the number of adult videos that feature heterosexual anal sex, that mysterious, once-off-limits act also has met with a good deal of acceptance. Both activities see frequent mention in mainstream movies and television as well as in news and feature items on the Web and in print.
BDSM and other fetishes likewise are finding themselves represented in some of the strangest places. Once considered dark and sinister, BDSM got a huge mainstream boost from Hollywood’s fascination with vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures; from the work of artists like Helmut Newton and Robert Mapplethorpe; and from the techno and goth trends on high-fashion runways. Previously relegated to specialty stores in the more “artistic” areas of San Francisco and New York, leather and metal clothing and accessories, whips, chains, and playful handcuffs nowadays can be found at sedate, thoroughly mainstream retailers like Target.
“There’s a fine line between punk, goth, and BDSM in fashion and accessories,” Kim Airs, who was crowned Ms. East Coast Leather in 1993 and now serves as the resident sexpert and sales manager for Pipedream Products — when she’s not plying her skills as a professional dominatrix — told AVN Novelty Business. “Halloween has gotten so kinky it’s not even funny. A large percentage of people dress up kinky for Halloween, and once they’re in that dress, they or their partner suddenly notice, ‘Hey, this is really hot.’”
Even more indicative, one sex therapist and filmmaker found more than 200 academics, doctors, lawyers, and congressmen willing to discuss their unusual sexual practices on camera. The activities ranged from mild to wild, prompting filmmaker Robert Dunlap to conclude, “the only unnatural sex act is the one you can’t perform.”
Have people lost their minds, or has society finally tipped over the edge into undeniable corruption?
Neither, according to experts in the fields of psychology and fetish play. Dr. Judy Kariansky, a sex therapist at Columbia University, said paraphilias — sexual practices that fall somewhere outside the realm of what “normal” people feel comfortable revealing in casual conversation — are surprisingly common.
“Credit, or blame, the Internet for making information available in such a level playing field that outrageous acts have become so accessible they seem mainstream,” she told ABC News for a report about the topic. The non-judgmental tone of the ABC News piece itself indicated how far removed from back alleys and closets fetish play has become.
“I don’t think people are doing things that haven’t been done millions of times before,” Charlie Glickman, Ph.D., the education program manager for novelty retailer Good Vibrations, told ANB. “We’re seeing more people explore a wider range of sexual experiences, and more are willing to come out of the closet. It’s a big shift.”
Laurie Bergquist, Spartacus Enterprises' senior vice president who manages the company with her husband and company President Stephen, said that she’s seen a shift in acceptance for all things “kinky” through the years. “Back in the day, there were some companies that did things like ball gags and nipple clamps, and there were some that did only rubber items, and there were some that only did vibrators,” she said. “Now, all those lines are getting blurred.”
Anna English, who with her husband Michael co-founded high-end novelty manufacturer SteelVineyards because they couldn’t find quality, American-made fetish toys that met their own needs, said, “I think the kink’s always been there — it’s just more visible now. Even 15 years ago, swinging and bisexuality were considered weird or kinky, but the super-kink of yesterday is mainstream now. There’s less of a feeling that people who add spice to their sex lives in a whole variety of different ways are ‘sick freaks.’”
Sportsheets’ International Sales and Marketing Director Todd Carter agreed, chuckling. “Fifteen years ago, you were kinky if you had handcuffs,” he told ANB. “Now everybody has handcuffs, and they’re not afraid to tell you.”
Testing the waters
Americans — who still seem almost Victorian by European standards — have taken longer than some other cultures to embrace their inherent kinkiness, but even Middle America seems to be riding a tide of unprecedented sexual exploration lately. Airs said during a recent sales tour of the Midwest, she was pleasantly surprised to discover fetish toys and accessories were at the forefront of every retailer’s “need to know more about” list. “Even ‘vanilla’ stores are finding fetish goods outsell some other lines,” she told ANB.
“I think the question isn’t so much whether we’re getting ‘kinkier,’ but whether we’re feeling more comfortable acknowledging and exploring that kinkiness,” fetish maven and sexuality activist Theresa “Darklady” Reed said. “To that question, I reply with an emphatic, ‘Fuck, yeah!’ We’re still pretty vanilla when compared to some areas of Europe, but then we’re also a younger and still Puritan-influenced society. Give us some time and perhaps we will also come to love our body fluids, our role play, our exotic uniforms, and our sensualized discipline more enthusiastically.”
Queen agreed, adding that part of the reason for Europeans’ seemingly greater comfort with kink may be due to Americans’ historic lack of education about the sexuality spectrum. “There was a time not so very long ago that when you thought about accessing kinky products — literature, pictorials, fetish wear, and so forth — you thought of Europe, and Northern Europe in particular,” she told ANB. “England and Germany especially have had a culture of kinky sex that can be documented as going back quite a long time. There has been [in the U.S.] a real explosion of information and community organizing about kink since the early [19]90s, especially since the days of the truly accessible Internet. You no longer have to go buy a magazine printed in England to see photos of leather catsuits or rubber dresses, and there are how-to articles about spanking and bondage and classes you can take not just at Good Vibes or the Center for Sex & Culture, but at the local learning annex.
“Some of my biggest crowds when I travel to do lectures or readings are in the Midwest,” she added. “People have figured out that kink is something to try, and they’re trying it. They may not adopt hardcore BDSM permanently into their sexual lives, but many, many people are curious and exploratory, and the culture has finally developed so that if they have a computer, they can get information and support.”
Entrenue Sales and Marketing Director Lisa Mazurek said during her 15 years in adult retail and wholesale, she’s seen a marked increase in American retailers’ and distributors’ willingness to offer educational materials, perhaps because of decreasing fear of obscenity prosecution. In the not-too-distant past, even materials depicting gay sexuality and interracial sexual activity were considered obscene in some states. Whips, chains, handcuffs, ball gags, and cock cages? Fuhgeddaboutit.
“Europeans always have been a little more accepting of sexuality and alternative lifestyles, but that’s changing,” Mazurek told ANB. “I don’t think Americans are getting any kinkier, but they’re becoming more informed. The boundaries are shifting further out: Things that were taboo no longer are. It’s increasingly normal to be intrigued by the shadowy side of things. Taboo actually is a turn-on.”
Baiting the Hook
Most wholesalers, manufacturers, and devotees of kink agree education is of paramount importance not only in changing attitudes about sexuality, but also in introducing the curious to fetish play. Many manufacturers and distributors now employ at least one or two “fetish experts” to help retailers and consumers discover and properly use toys, attire, and other accoutrements safely and sanely. According to Airs, stores increasingly are offering consumers an array of books that cover fun and informative topics from “how to knit your own bondage gear” to “living the hardcore domination and submission lifestyle.”
Books can be an excellent source of information for the curious, according to English, but websites — except for major destinations that have developed a reputation for expertise among those already engaged in fetish play — should be approached with a degree of skepticism, at least at first.
“Without education, kink can be dangerous,” she said. “Misinformation can maim or kill.” Even extreme fetish play can be safe within a trusting, educated environment, she added, but newbies need help discovering not only what should be attempted at their level, but also what most excites them. One bad experience, and the curious can be “turned off” forever. “At shows, I literally have told people they can’t buy something until they know more about what they’re thinking about doing,” English told ANB. “You want everybody’s experience to be pleasurable, especially if they’re starting off in a new direction.”
“An educated staff makes a huge difference in customer comfort,” Glickman said. “Shy customers often become your best customers if they have a good experience [in your store] — especially women. Most guys don’t go to work and talk with their pals about sex toys, but women do.”
“Everyone who sells an item should know how [products] work,” English averred. “Customers should feel comfortable asking, ‘Do you use this? Do you like it? Will I like it?’” Being able to answer even more graphic questions that may seem self-evident to long-time fetish devotees is even more beneficial, she added. “Don’t be put off or embarrassed by questions like ‘Why do men wear weights on their balls? Why do women wear tit weights? How do I measure so a metal cock ring will fit right?’ Those are legitimate questions from a consumer who may find the idea erotic, but is worried about what ‘normal’ people might think. If it’s their first visit to your store, they don’t want to feel like you’re judging them.
“As a retailer or buyer, if you don’t know the answer to the questions you’re hearing from your consumers, don’t be afraid to ask the manufacturer,” English added. “I guarantee you, we’ve heard it all and we know our products and we can give you a good answer. If you’re curious about how something works, ask for a demo. Many companies will send store owners samples so someone at the store can test them.”
Queen agreed. “Having an informed staff is key,” she opined. “You don’t want your sales associates shrugging and saying ‘I dunno’ when a customer asks what the fancy cock ring is for. Knowing that someone has an interest in ‘kinky sex’ or products is just a sales opening.” With that in mind, she suggested adding kinky informational and inspirational events and organizations to retail calendars and bulletin boards. “If there’s a kink club in town, find out who their public presenters are, or invite some from San Francisco or another community with a lively kink community,” she urged. “These have indeed spread out and grown so that you can find them all over the country. If you invite porn stars, invite some who’ve made fetish movies as well as their ‘vanilla’ counterparts.” Despite their inaccurate reputations as airheads, porn stars increasingly are knowledgeable, articulate, personable educators for the types of activities they depict on film, Queen noted.
Reeling Them In
“Within the larger social context, educational and social events help everyone overcome ignorance and fear,” Reed told ANB. “Newbies can have their questions answered, experienced players can expand their knowledge or provide mentorship, customers learn more about the merchant selling them product, staff learns more
about the people purchasing product — and the surrounding community eventually realizes that property values haven’t gone down, crime hasn’t gone up, and you’d be surprised what kind of nice people go in and out of ‘those kinds of places.’”
On a more practical level, though, “Making sure the staff has a clue about the products they’re selling is a good idea, especially since it makes the staff a more aggressive force for selling, as well as ringing up, merchandise,” Reed added.
Before anyone needs to be concerned about selling kinky products, though, they have to figure out what kinds of kinky products the local market is likely to appreciate. That’s not as tough a nut to crack as it sounds like it might be, according to English. “I think there’s a place for almost everything in every market, as long as store personnel educate their customers,” she said. “Start with ‘soft’ merchandise and slowly work up to more extreme items. If you listen openly and honestly, your customers will tell you what they want by the questions they ask.”
So what are customers asking for these days? According to all the experts, a surprising variety of products in a surprising variety of materials and at a wide range of price points designed for kinksters at every level will put almost any store in good stead with consumers. “Experimenters tend toward the lighter, fluffier end of the scale,” Glickman said. However, “stores should carry some extreme merchandise — even if they never sell it — just so customers feel comfortable that they’re not on the edge of the scale.”
Fetish clothing can fill a lot of voids because it runs from the gamut from tame to insane and hits every point in between. “Fetish clothing has gone mainstream,” English told ANB. “It’s always been popular, but we’ve seen a literal explosion within the past five to 10 years.”
On the basic end of the spectrum, Reed suggested “non-threatening” toys to which almost anyone can relate. “Who doesn’t love a blindfold?” she asked. “Even the most unadventurous can wear them as a sleep mask, so there’s instant plausible deniability. Wrist and ankle cuffs are always popular, as are various gags.”
Babeland co-owner Rachel Venning seconded the idea of nipple clamps. “Nipple clamps are our perennial ‘gateway’ toy into the world of kinky merchandise,” she said. “Bondage kits are a great item to sell to newbies.”
So are items specifically designed not to look like fetish gear, Mazurek said. “There are all sorts of cute products now that could even do double duty as fashion accessories,” she noted. “Crops with fuzzy hearts on them, bright floral wrist cuffs with detachable chains … Rough Doggie makes ‘fashion diva bedroom accessories’: cute leather bondage gear. There even are designer strap-ons that are fashion-focused.” Of course, at the top of her list, since Entreneu offers one of the largest collections of print materials in the world, are how-to fetish books. “Retailers can cross-sell products and books,” Mazurek suggested. “The two support each other.”
Glickman concurred. “If you’re going to offer kinky merchandise, it’s increasingly important also to offer how-to guides,” he said. “There are lots of good books on the market now. Try placing a small rack next to the merchandise to which the books refer.” As for toys themselves, he suggested leather slappers. “They make lots of noise but don’t cause much pain sensation,” he noted. In addition, Good Vibrations has found restraints of all kinds to be perennial favorites with its customers. “We’re seeing more different kinds of restraints available than ever before,” he said. “Sportsheets’ fabric restraints are a good example.”
Although Carter said Sportsheets resists the term “bondage” in reference to its products, the company often finds couples purchasing its products as an entrée to light role-playing in that vein. “Our sexual-positioning products are some of our most popular,” he told ANB. “Doggie Style strap is one of our best sellers, and G-Spot Link is one of the perennial favorites.” Also gaining in popularity are strap-ons, he added. “Our newest introduction is Sedeux [“seduce”], a strap-on harness complete with dildos. There are 18 products in the collection, and all of them were hot right off the line,” Carter said. “Also hot is Ménage a Trois for Two, a strap-on harness that [the man] wears for double-penetrating his partner all by himself.”
Airs said Pipedream’s Fetish Fantasy line is “going gangbusters. It’s designed for the ‘play at home, stay at home’ crowd — a large portion of the kinkster crowd out there — and it has something for almost everyone,” she said.
And while more traditional novelty companies are starting fetish and kink lines, even those known for high-end fetish items have seen their way fit to provide items for the cost-conscious.
eXtreme Restraints owner Ari Suss launched Kink Industries last year to fill the gap in the market for those looking to get all things kinky from one place at an affordable price.
"Whereas some brands might include only medical implements, anal hooks, or penis jewelry, Kink Industries offers all of that and more!" Suss told ANB at the time of the launch. "We appeal to more sexually adventurous people who are looking for a non-traditional sex toy to fulfill their fantasies."
Though not every store needs to carry the high-end vests, medical items, or restraint kits, Spartacus Leathers’ Bergquist said traditional kink items like nipple clamps and ball gags are essentials store owners should carry. “I think the biggest surprise has been ball gags,” she said. “A ball gag is an item that for a couple shows a real sense of trust. It can be a power play, because you are taking away someone’s ability to express themself. They are not really new, but there are still a lot of chain stores that are nervous about carrying them. But I have seen that when they do, they are really surprised at how well they do.”
Reed, who ranks among the “experienced players” group, suggested butt plugs, dildos, vibrators, and cock cages are essential equipment for most overtly sexual kinky play. “If you’re looking to expand to the more seasoned or educated player, a good selection of wooden, leather, and other rigid play toys is wise,” she added. “Paddles, slappers, floggers, and crops are much sought after — but please do not push low-quality goods. The health and safety of customers should always be a genuine concern of adult retailers, but that is especially important when discussing items made to impact or restrain a person in some way. Sharp edges, flimsy fibers, too-loose or too-tight locking mechanisms … all of these and more can go beyond merely inconveniencing customers to causing them genuine harm, which will not inspire them to become fans of your shop.”
English concurred. SteelVineyards specializes in more “extreme” products, many of which originally were designed for players who were subject to medically imposed mobility or flexibility issues. Although SteelVineyards’ G-Pop remains its most popular item, English said “medical toys are an emerging category that’s sure to be big” not only for legitimate reasons but also because medical fetishes are on the rise.
In fact, keeping up with — and hopefully getting ahead of — trends in kink is almost a full-time job in itself, the experts said. But, as Venning noted, that’s half the fun for manufacturers, wholesalers, retailers, and consumers. “For long-term monogamous couples, getting to try a new toy, outfit, fantasy, etc., is a way of keeping the sex fresh and hot,” she told ANB. “The need for something new is constant. Maybe that’s why they call it the ‘novelty’ business.”
Back on the Shore
That could be, Queen allowed, but frankly, she’s pleased to see American consumers becoming more comfortable with all the options available to them. Broadening horizons stands to benefit everyone along the chain, she said. “The kink toy world is benefiting from the recent trend toward nicer design and better materials,” she offered. “I’m thinking of the anal plug with the Swarovski crystals, for example. I don’t think I’ve seen a sea change in what people are playing with, though, and as usual the real innovations are coming from cottage industries.”
In the final analysis, kink may be just another way for humans to express emotional closeness and a need for interpersonal connectedness, according to Mazurek. “Maybe what all this indicates is a rebound toward intimacy in relationships,” she mused. “Psychological connections, for human beings, can be as scary as BDSM games. They evoke the same concepts, except at different ends of the spectrum.”
This article initially appeared in the May/June issue of AVN Novelty Business magazine. Illustrations courtesy of Gea*
