LOS ANGELES—The fact that a man is accused of lewd conduct in a porn theater is on its very face ludicrous and an indictment of America's profound hypocrisy and confusion over sex. Where the hell else are you going to be lewd but in a porn theater, watching porn movies?

And cops still spend time checking these places out? Los Angeles, a city I still love, is insane. So is PBS, a network I also love, for immediately firing Fred Willard.

It would have been lewd for him to have a lollipop in his hand rather than his dick, and impossible for someone else in that theater to have been offended by his actions, assuming they saw it, other than the cop.

The jokes are already rolling in, but the joke is really on the nation, whose soul remains twisted, deformed and sick over sex.